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I know the title of this episode is Stop Asking Your Husband for Permission, but what this episode is really about is how to stop asking your husband, your partner, your mother, your friends, or whoever, for permission to go after your dreams.
I get so many messages from potential members who are thinking about joining our programs or starting their business that say, “Let me ask my husband tonight and then I’ll make a decision.”
When I hear this, I literally want to shake them from the other side of the computer!
I totally get being in a partnership — Sam and I were already married when I started my business, but I never asked him or anyone else for permission to go after my dreams or do what makes me happy.
I also recognize that part of the reason why I never asked Sam for permission to start my business or make big investment decisions for my business, is because he’s always been extremely supportive.
He’s never scoffed at the idea of me wanting to be my own boss or rolled his eyes at me when I tell him my big goals and plans.
He actually helped me land my very first client ever — and that’s what this episode is really all about.
No one understands you like you do. No one else understands what makes you happy or your big goals, except you, and most people are just scared themselves.
Know that no one understands you like you do
A lot of you are seeking approval from people you shouldn’t be asking for permission in the first place. When you start a business, or when you’re leveling up and taking your business to the next level, we often look to our inner circle for approval, and we do this because we’re scared.
You’re looking for someone else to say “You can do it, I believe in you!” because you’re trying to accomplish something totally new — and that leaves you questioning whether or not you can do it.
You’re looking for that reassurance from outside of yourself.
Now, sometimes you’re going to get just that — you’re going to get the encouragement you want. But a lot of times, you aren’t, because no one understands you like you do. No one else understands what makes you happy or your big goals, except you, and most people are scared themselves.
Think of it this way: would you ask your cousin who just filed for bankruptcy for financial advice? No!
Let me give you a personal example:
My mom has always encouraged me to be successful, to think bigger, and to go after big goals, but even she had some not so encouraging things to say when I started my business:
“You should be grateful for your job! You’re paid well and you have great benefits.”
I know these comments came from a place of love, but they also came from not seeing the huge opportunity I was stepping into or the fact that I hated working for someone else.
She spent her entire career in corporate climbing the ladder. That’s what she knew and that’s why she shared these statements with me.
Now I will say, since my mom has seen how successful and happy I’ve been since I started my business, she’s been one of my biggest cheerleaders and one of the very few people who I actually tell how much money I make — more on that in a moment.
So mom if you’re reading this, I love you and I appreciate all of your encouragement.
You need to believe in you — and you do this by building confidence, taking one step at a time, learning from your mistakes, continuously moving forward, and surrounding yourself with the right people.
Recognize that some people just won’t understand and stop asking them for advice
Another great example of this is from a recent Successful Solopreneur School coaching call.
One of our members asked a family member what they would pay for one of the services they offer — and that family member’s answer was $50!
Trust me, that member is charging a lot more than $50 for their service!
This is what I mean. Most people are not entrepreneurs.
Most people don’t see the huge opportunities that are out there because they either want to stay comfortable, clock into their 9-5’s, are scared of doing something other than working for someone else, or they don’t even realize the opportunities that exist.
And that’s why you need to stop asking for permission.
You need to believe in you — and you do this by building confidence, by taking one step at a time, by learning from your mistakes, by continuously moving forward, and by surrounding yourself with the right people.
The people who aren’t encouraging you aren’t bad people — and I’m not telling you to stop being friends with them or to stop hanging out with your family — I’m just saying that they don’t understand.
The answers and the reactions you get when you ask someone for permission are not based on what you’re after or what you’re asking, they’re based on the beliefs of the person.
Surround yourself with people who get it and have similar goals
In one of the coaching groups I’m in, there was a conversation recently about whether or not you should share how well your business is doing and how much money you’re making with your family.
It was so interesting to hear the answers because this is a group of women — almost all of which who are making at least six figures, if not a lot more, every single year in their businesses — and what was crazy is that the majority of them said no, they don’t tell their friends and family about how well their business is doing. They don’t tell them how much money they’re making.
But for the ones who said yes, almost all of them had family or parents who were also entrepreneurs.
This is what I mean. The answers and the reactions that you get when you ask someone if you should start a business, invest in a program, or do x, y, or z — are not based on what you’re after or what you were even asking, they’re based on the beliefs of the person you are asking.
So stop asking for permission and start believing in you.
I also highly encourage you to hire a business coach — whether that’s me or someone else, it doesn’t matter.
Just surround yourself with a community of others who are also going after their big dreams and who see the big, endless opportunities that are out there. By doing this you will realize that your dreams aren’t so crazy after all, and it’ll probably help you dream even bigger!
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